Without going into a lot of details that would probably only mean something to me personally I wanted to try and put into words a little of what was deposited into my heart. Whenever God does a deep work in my heart I always feel inspired to write. The only problem with this is that I usually can't put into words how great God is and how great a work He has done and is continuing. I will try -- bare with me if I ramble :-).
So I guess one of the main aspects of my life that God reminded me of was my roots. If you didn't know I was saved in 1997 at the Brownsville Revival. If you don't know anything about the Brownsville Revival just google it or look up youtube videos (ignore the nay-sayers...). God did a MIGHTY work in that place for several years and I'm a product of that revival. My entire life shifted. I had no idea that I could experience God the way I began to experience Him and His presence. I had no conception of actually knowing God -- like really knowing Him and having a living relationship with Jesus. Getting saved in that kind of environment basically ruined me for "normal" church or church as usual. I had encountered the living God! I had been shaken spiritually and literally sometimes. My heart was awakened to Him and in those early days of my salvation I had such a hunger and passion for the Lord.
Over the years when I left Brownsville and the revival came to a close I struggled to fit in with church again. I found that my experience at Brownsville and the deposit of revival that is in my bones was often misunderstood. There were people who thought I simply lived in the past or that revival is dead, move on. Except that when you have revival in your bones you never really "move on" from that in a sense. Revival will always be a part of me and there is no getting away from that. I agree that no one should live in the past but remembering the past and living in the past are two different things. I don't for a moment want to go back to those days in Brownsville as wonderful as they were. In that sense, I have moved on (and moved on years ago) but I will never forget those days. It's my roots.
In comes Onething. During the worship at one of the sessions I had realized that God had stoked the fires of hunger that were buried in the recesses of my heart. It had been covered up with the things of life and the things of this world. All of it wasn't stuff that was even necessarily bad but just distractions. I think that's what the devil does -- if he can't get us in sin he can usually get us with distractions. Anything that can take our gaze off the Lover of our souls starts to take us on a path to a cold heart. And many times we will still think we are burning because it's subtle. It's a trap that has happened to me until before I know it my heart is dull and finding Him is much harder than it used to be. He isn't really the center of our lives although we like to say that He is and justify our time wasting activities. We all have them and have all used them at one time or another. I digress...
As I was feeling this intense hunger for Lord I was reminded of my roots. The hunger I had in those days. The intense passion I had to go after God and all He had. To know Him deeply. Then I was reminded of this:
It says: Line Starts Here. This is painted on the sidewalk in front of Brownsville Assembly. It was painted there during the revival when people would stand in line all day to get into the church for the service at night so that people would know where the line started. For me, spiritually speaking, my line starts there. My hunger intensified to know God even more and encounter Him in even deeper ways than I had before. Brownsville is only something I look back on as my starting point. What happened there was a drop in the bucket and barely scratched the surface as to what God can do in a person, in a church, in a community, in a city and in a nation. He showed me where I started to reveal where He can take me -- and that's so much further than where I started. There's no turning back.
My heart's cry is to know Him so much deeper than I ever have. To be able to love Him well. To live a life that's worthy of the calling. I want to hear His heartbeat and let my heart beat in rhythm with His. If I can dance to the rhythm of a song I want my heart to beat with His rhythm. I'm on a pilgrimage to discover His mysteries, the deep places of His heart and I have no idea where it will take me or what it will look like but none of that matters. I have to make a choice to shut off the distractions around me and pursue Him. Being in His presence makes it easy to do because everything else can't begin to compare to how wonderful His love is and being in His presence. I love the description of Jesus that says He has fire in His eyes. What passion! He's passionately pursuing me so passionately pursuing Him in return makes for a beautiful collision (to quote the David Crowder Band album title...). A constant gaze into His firey eyes will surely make everything else around me pale in comparison. We have one life -- our 70 year internship as Mike Bickle calls it -- and we need to make it count. It's going to mean nothing when I stand before the Lord if I can tell Him who won this season's American Idol. I want to make my life count and get all of God that I can while I'm on earth.
So there is a song that I've been listening to over the last couple days and it's been on repeat today. It's called A Life That's Worthy by Jon Thurlow. I've posted the lyrics below. I can't find link for you to listen to it but you can find it on iTunes. (He also has a great song called A Storm All Around You that can be found on youtube -- the Onething 2011 version is excellent!)
My heart is full and I didn't do justice in this blog to what I experienced this weekend but hopefully my feeble attempt made some kind of sense and stirs you to passionately pursue Him. It's definitely worth it.
A Life That's Worthy by Jon Thurlow
I've felt the pain of compromise deep inside
I've known the tension of a heart that's divided
I've tasted and I've seen You're good and now I am
Ruined for less than all You have for me
The more I see of all this world the more I am
Convinced I'm called to be a stranger to all its ways
So do not hide Your laws from me
For I know that they are my doorway to eternity
I want to live a life that's worth of Your calling
Remove the things that hinder me from loving You because I
Don't want regret upon the day I stand before You
May I be found a pure and spotless bride ready for a King
