Finding Community...

This past weekend I had the privilege of participating for the 3rd year in the King David Christian Conservatory annual worship concert.  It's a chance to use dance performance for ministry and this year's show was amazing.  Every year it just keeps getting better and this year was no exception.  Inevitably the day after the shows are over there is a bit of the performance blues.  Spending a weekend being able to do the 2 things I'm the most passionate about: ministry and dance makes it hard to settle back into the normal day to day routine.

This year I was reflecting back on the season and was struck at how much I had found a sense of community within the dance studio.  I felt as though we were a tight knit group.  There has always been a sense of family but for me that family atmosphere increased.  The directors, Sal and Barb, becoming not only mentors but like second parents for me, the other students becoming like sisters and the younger kids becoming like my younger siblings I found myself in the midst of a community that I didn't expect.  I've watched a group of people share life together.  Sharing the ups and downs of life, praying for each other, encouraging one another, sharing the same passion, laughing, crying and creating memories.  I've seen how this studio has become a safe place for many.  For me personally, living hundreds of miles from my family to pursue the call of God is hard.  To find community is so important to me and God brought the most amazing people into my life.  They keep me going when I want to give up.  They encourage me to keep pursuing my dreams.  They keep me laughing.  It's beyond just learning how to do a plie or a double pirouette.  The technical aspect is there but it's also a community and what the Body of Christ is all about.

As I've have watched and experienced this God has opened up the vision in my heart for the creative arts centers I want to open in Israel one day.  I pray that I can create the same type of place.  A place for kids and young people to come where they have a safe place if they need it.  The arts has a way of drawing people in but has the potential to become much more than a place to learn a craft if the right atmosphere is created.  I pray that with God's help I can create the same type of atmosphere where I can love on the people, create a safe place, and a strong sense of community.  I certainly don't have any answers to the issues in the Middle East but what I can do is love the people.  Onward.

Humor for a moment as I brag on this studio.  If you are in the Charlotte area I highly recommend King David Christian Conservatory if you or your kids are interested in dance classes or piano lessons.  For more info visit www.kingdavidchristianconservatory.com

 Advanced Class prank :-)

 Advanced Jazz just before going on stage

 We are family!

Best directors ever

The Line Starts Here...

What a weekend I had in Orlando.  I attended the Onething Regional and prayed before I went that I would meet the Lord there.  He did not disappoint!

Without going into a lot of details that would probably only mean something to me personally I wanted to try and put into words a little of what was deposited into my heart.  Whenever God does a deep work in my heart I always feel inspired to write.  The only problem with this is that I usually can't put into words how great God is and how great a work He has done and is continuing.  I will try -- bare with me if I ramble :-).

So I guess one of the main aspects of my life that God reminded me of was my roots.  If you didn't know I was saved in 1997 at the Brownsville Revival.  If you don't know anything about the Brownsville Revival just google it or look up youtube videos (ignore the nay-sayers...).  God did a MIGHTY work in that place for several years and I'm a product of that revival.  My entire life shifted.  I had no idea that I could experience God the way I began to experience Him and His presence.  I had no conception of actually knowing God -- like really knowing Him and having a living relationship with Jesus.  Getting saved in that kind of environment basically ruined me for "normal" church or church as usual.  I had encountered the living God!  I had been shaken spiritually and literally sometimes.  My heart was awakened to Him and in those early days of my salvation I had such a hunger and passion for the Lord.

Over the years when I left Brownsville and the revival came to a close I struggled to fit in with church again.  I found that my experience at Brownsville and the deposit of revival that is in my bones was often misunderstood.  There were people who thought I simply lived in the past or that revival is dead, move on.  Except that when you have revival in your bones you never really "move on" from that in a sense.  Revival will always be a part of me and there is no getting away from that.  I agree that no one should live in the past but remembering the past and living in the past are two different things.  I don't for a moment want to go back to those days in Brownsville as wonderful as they were.  In that sense, I have moved on (and moved on years ago) but I will never forget those days.  It's my roots. 

In comes Onething.  During the worship at one of the sessions I had realized that God had stoked the fires of hunger that were buried in the recesses of my heart.  It had been covered up with the things of life and the things of this world.  All of it wasn't stuff that was even necessarily bad but just distractions.  I think that's what the devil does -- if he can't get us in sin he can usually get us with distractions.  Anything that can take our gaze off the Lover of our souls starts to take us on a path to a cold heart.  And many times we will still think we are burning because it's subtle.  It's a trap that has happened to me until before I know it my heart is dull and finding Him is much harder than it used to be.  He isn't really the center of our lives although we like to say that He is and justify our time wasting activities.  We all have them and have all used them at one time or another.  I digress...

As I was feeling this intense hunger for Lord I was reminded of my roots.  The hunger I had in those days.  The intense passion I had to go after God and all He had.  To know Him deeply.  Then I was reminded of this:

It says: Line Starts Here.  This is painted on the sidewalk in front of Brownsville Assembly.  It was painted there during the revival when people would stand in line all day to get into the church for the service at night so that people would know where the line started.  For me, spiritually speaking, my line starts there.  My hunger intensified to know God even more and encounter Him in even deeper ways than I had before.  Brownsville is only something I look back on as my starting point.  What happened there was a drop in the bucket and barely scratched the surface as to what God can do in a person, in a church, in a community, in a city and in a nation.  He showed me where I started to reveal where He can take me -- and that's so much further than where I started.  There's no turning back.

My heart's cry is to know Him so much deeper than I ever have.  To be able to love Him well.  To live a life that's worthy of the calling.  I want to hear His heartbeat and let my heart beat in rhythm with His.  If I can dance to the rhythm of a song I want my heart to beat with His rhythm.  I'm on a pilgrimage to discover His mysteries, the deep places of His heart and I have no idea where it will take me or what it will look like but none of that matters.  I have to make a choice to shut off the distractions around me and pursue Him.  Being in His presence makes it easy to do because everything else can't begin to compare to how wonderful His love is and being in His presence.  I love the description of Jesus that says He has fire in His eyes.  What passion!  He's passionately pursuing me so passionately pursuing Him in return makes for a beautiful collision (to quote the David Crowder Band album title...).  A constant gaze into His firey eyes will surely make everything else around me pale in comparison.  We have one life -- our 70 year internship as Mike Bickle calls it -- and we need to make it count.  It's going to mean nothing when I stand before the Lord if I can tell Him who won this season's American Idol.  I want to make my life count and get all of God that I can while I'm on earth.

So there is a song that I've been listening to over the last couple days and it's been on repeat today.  It's called A Life That's Worthy by Jon Thurlow.  I've posted the lyrics below.  I can't find link for you to listen to it but you can find it on iTunes. (He also has a great song called A Storm All Around You that can be found on youtube -- the Onething 2011 version is excellent!) 

My heart is full and I didn't do justice in this blog to what I experienced this weekend but hopefully my feeble attempt made some kind of sense and stirs you to passionately pursue Him.  It's definitely worth it.


A Life That's Worthy by Jon Thurlow

I've felt the pain of compromise deep inside
I've known the tension of a heart that's divided
I've tasted and I've seen You're good and now I am
Ruined for less than all You have for me

The more I see of all this world the more I am
Convinced I'm called to be a stranger to all its ways
So do not hide Your laws from me
For I know that they are my doorway to eternity

I want to live a life that's worth of Your calling
Remove the things that hinder me from loving You because I
Don't want regret upon the day I stand before You
May I be found a pure and spotless bride ready for a King

Missionary Perspective

A late night talk with my mom due to caffeine induced insomnia has inspired this particular blog.  I'm in the midst of the annual missions conference for FIRE International.  I forget how much I am encouraged every year by the missionaries that come in town.  As a new missionary working stateside until I am able to get overseas I'm encouraged by their words, their testimonies and their giving both of themselves and of their finances.  Sometimes when I hear the amount one missionary will give to another missionary I think to myself, "Don't they know that they are a missionary?"  They are here to raise funds for themselves and yet they are willingly and often paving the way in giving to others.  About a second after having that thought I then think to myself, "They get it." 

As I am in the process of raising funds to get on the mission myself I've had some conversations over the last week that have really got me thinking about why people don't give and my own difficulties in fund raising.  I've been thinking about why I don't give sometimes.  I think that one of the reasons why people don't give is because many feel like if they can't write the check for a "substantial" amount then they can't do anything.  I've felt that way many times.  Have you ever been sitting in a service where a special offering if being taken and because you can't write a check for $50, $100, $1000 or more you "don't have the money" to give?  I have.  Many times.  But now that I'm on other side of things I wanted to just encourage anyone that may read this that even if all you have is $1 don't think that your $1 is insignificant.

Being a missionary working to get on the field I just want to say that any donation I receive in any amount is important.  I don't look at a $10 donation as any less important than a $100 donation (you can add any number of zeroes to that figure) because anyone who believes in the call of God on my life enough to sow any amount of money into my life is important.  And I am humbled more than I could ever say.  And I am confident that there are thousands of missionaries out there that would agree with me. 

Why do we let the size of our donation prevent us from making one?  Isn't our God the God who multiplies?  Isn't our God the God who takes 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish to feed a mulititude of people?  His math could never be solved by the most brilliant of mathemiticians.  The more I started thinking about it the more I believe that many of us have more ablility to give then we think.  And the more I thought about the difference it could make in getting the Gospel to the ends of the earth the more I wanted to write this blog. 

Think about it.  How many of us within 1 month will spend $5 on either a fast food meal, a Starbuck's coffee, packages of gum or mints for when we are in church, bottled water or a soda over the course of 30 days?  I would say that everyone who reads this does that.  What if the next time we are sitting in the drive thru line we think about what the $5 we are about to spend on junk food could do for the Kingdom of heaven.  How could that $5 effect eternity?  If instead of buying that fast food meal that $5 went to a missionary who will go to an unreached tribe in a village on some island we have never even heard of that takes 14 hours by plane, then another 6 hours on a cramped bus, then 4 hours by four wheel drive vehicles and another 4 hours on foot through dense jungle with the threat of leaches and malaria -- we might just skip the drive through and use that $5 to multiply the Kingdom instead of the pounds around our waistlines.

Can $5 really do that?  YES!  How do I know?  I did the math.  I used my facebook account as an example because it was practical and easy for me to figure out.  I have 595 friends on facebook.  If every single person on my friends list gave $5 in monthly support it would total almost $3000/month.  That's enough to send me to Israel.  That's enough to send 3 people to China, Thailand, or the Philippines.  That's enough to send someone to the dark continent of Europe.  If one person goes to China and by sharing the Gospel sees 1 convert there are overwhelming odds that many more thousands will get saved in the process because of the rate that the Chinese church is growing.  $5 + 1 missionary + 1 convert = THOUSANDS of souls.  Your $5 has just touched a nation.  A NATION!  You would have a hand in that!

I pray that the next time I am in a drive thru the Holy Spirit convicts me and rather than throwing my money to some chain restaurant in exchange for something that ultimately destroys my body I will drive away, invest my $5 in the Kingdom and spend that time fasting and praying for a missionary.  Because my $5 will effect eternity and so can yours.

I want to issue a challenge that I will accept myself.  I'll call it the $5 challenge.  The next time I am going to hit the drive through I will instead give $5 to a missionary and fast that meal to pray for a missionary instead.  I'll sow into that because I need it and because I want to impact eternity.  Anyone else up to the challenge?

Beautiful Feet

And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"  Romans 10:15

As a dancer feet are of course important.  There are often comments on how beautiful a particular dancers feet are, especially in ballet.  Look at those arches!  What a beautiful toe point!  Check out that turn out!  On and on.  In some circles if you don't have the right feet you won't get very far. 

Truth be told, and every dancer will tell you this, inside of the shoes the feet really aren't that pretty.  They aren't perfectly manicured with flawless polish.  Quite the contrary.  They are usually calloused with sores and kind of banged up.  Dancers put their feet through the paces.  Dancers notoriously have ugly feet because of all the work and punishment they inflict on them. 

One night while in the studio I looked down at my feet and noticed how calloused and kind of ugly they have become.  I made mention of that and how I won't waste my money on pedicures anymore because they will just look like this again within days.  My teacher looked at me and said, "It's okay, dancers always have ugly feet." 

On my way home that night after class I started to think about my feet and how banged up they are now as well as how much more they hurt since I've started dancing again.  I heard this quiet voice in my spirit whisper the words of Romans 10:15 to my heart.  I began to think about the times when those words were written.  Those who were traveling around preaching the Gospel in those days to bring the good news to those who needed to hear wore sandals.  They traveled on dusty, muddy and manure-filled roads.  To say that their feet were dirty and stinky is an understatement.  And yet, God considers them beautiful and I love that.

I think that prior to a couple weeks ago when I heard that verse I always pictured these clean, polished, smooth looking feet.  No real reason, it's just what my mind always saw when I heard that verse.  Something like this:

These are pretty feet.  But these are not feet that have been put through the paces.  They aren't active dancer feet.  They don't bare the scars.  They look like they've never worked hard, worn a pair of heels all day in the office, danced for hours until they were numb, etc.  They don't seem to have much of a story to tell.

I have a much different idea in my head of the beautiful feet that bring the Good News.  They look much like dancer feet.  They are scarred from running the race.  They probably hurt.  It's not easy sometimes especially when they are fighting an uphill battle.  And yet, they continue because God looks down and calls them beautiful.  He is amazing in that He does that with so many "ugly" things.  He sees the value that often we cannot see.  This is sort of what I picture in my head now:

These feet have a story to tell.  They've been somewhere.  They've seen adventure.  Yes, there are some bruises along the way but as most women say, beauty is pain. 

So as I dance my way through this journey God is taking me on I will look down at my feet and think differently about them.  They aren't so ugly afterall.  Everytime I spend my time dancing for His glory and ministering through dance, no matter how much they hurt or how calloused they get they are beautiful.

So I Think I Can Dance

The season finale of So You Think You Can Dance happened a couple nights ago and I watched it with a room full of mostly dancers.  I am inspired by the show watching such amazing dancers doing some amazing pieces of choreography.  I'm challenged by their high level of technique and passion. 

As much as I love this show I find that lately I become frustrated after watching it.  Why?  Well, I'm about to be transparent and honest.  You see, in my mind I can dance as good as any of those people.  But in reality -- I'm not quite there yet.  And adding to the frustration is that the clock is ticking.  I'm not getting any younger.  My intent is not be mediocre when it comes to dancing.  If I'm going to do this, I want to do it well.  Really well.  Especially as a Christian.  If a secular song, secular choreographers and secular dancers can cause such strong emotional reactions in people how much more should that be the case in Christian dance circles?  I can't be the only one who feels that way.

So, what do I do with that frustration?  What do you do with that frustration or any frustration for that matter?  Use it to fuel determination.  I refuse to let it cause me to quit.  Quitting isn't an option.  Instead, it pushes me to work. 

If God put this passion inside of me I cannot let it go and I cannot quit.  So I push through the pain, the tiredness, the sore muscles, and everything else that comes with being a dancer.  I pray that somehow I will tap into that creativity I know my Creator has deposited deep inside.  Somehow I'll be able to put all the passion and emotion into each piece and leave it all on the floor for the Lord to do with as He pleases.  That breakthrough has to happen... it has to.

I'll keep you posted and let you know when that breakthrough occurs.

The First Blog

So this won't be a long blog.  I decided to journal my journey as a dancer and missionary.  I'll update the most recent changes and other thoughts that I've had as I dance my way through this journey!  Stay tuned!